Friday, March 05, 2010

Impromptu Family Haiku: Soldier v. Mother

***This post is Rated R, and will earn my blog an adult rating, because there are some bad words in it.***

Brian is back in Iraq. Blessedly quiet for a soldier's mother, Brian's facebook updates reflect a bit of boredom. I am nothing, if not a problem solver, yes? He popped in on chat today, and I gave him an assignment: A Haiku. Subject of my choosing, he could assign one to me, and we'd get back to one another.

I underestimated our Haiku Prowess; we each returned in a matter of minutes, and re-assigned new topics. Here, for your reading pleasure, is our 30-minute Haiku Standoff

Topic to Lori: "Kitchen"

Beautiful kitchen
Although Clint did all the work
It's really all mine.

(heh heh, just kidding, baby)

Topic to Brian: Southern Comfort

What happened last night?
Southern comfort is my crutch.
I remember zip.

Topic to Lori: ["Interesting" neighbor from the past]

Threads of saliva
Connect top lip to bottom
My crazy neighbor

Topic to Brian: Blisters

My feet, so fucked up
These goddamn tan army boots
Blisters. Fuck my life.

Topic to Lori: [Female with boorish personality; it's not you]

You may not notice
There are others in the room
Shut the hell up, bitch

(Mean, but oh how we laughed.)

Topic to Brian: Kyle's puppies

2 tiny lions
Kyle's one and only true love
Bella and Butter

Topic to Lori: Painting

Put it off too long
Canvas, brush, paint, and my heart
Dreams must be fulfilled.

Topic to Brian: The stinkbug that recently crawled out of his Caesar salad at chow hall

What is this creature
Here, not to make me happy
No longer want lunch

Topic to Lori: Deer

Bambi and mama
Strolling by kitchen window
Yum yum! Venison!

Topic to Brian: Sand

This crunch in my mouth
This burning in my eyeballs
Wait up guys, can't see

I hope you've enjoyed this prolific installment of Impromptu Family Haiku. Brian and I took our leave with assignments for one another: my assigned topic is "wine," and  his is "commando."

Feel free to submit a haiku on either topic, or to support our troops by suggesting a topic.


  1. Commando:

    Feeling bold today
    But hidden danger is found
    God damn you zipper!

  2. Love it, Glock. (Be careful)

  3. iPhone:

    i hate you/love you
    you waste my time/make me happy
    leave me alone/where did I put you!?

  4. Fun. Got one:

    The fat slowly melts
    Crunchy pork rinds coming soon
    Lard is where it's at

    Yep, I'm rendering my own lard today. Just thought I'd share.

  5. Hubbie: So true, so true. Text me!

    Lisa: It so happens that Brian loooooves pork rinds. I just sent him a bag in his last care package. Lard...I'm coming over for beans.

  6. Geewits, Thanks! You didn't leave a subject...

  7. I'll answer in haiku:

    Notice the time stamp.
    Creativity not good
    Too many beers then.

    (ha! and it's even later now!)

    Try this subject:
    St. Patrick's Day

  8. These are great, but I'm too bleh on this monday morning to think of a haiku.

    Here's your subject: Monday

  9. A Haikhan for Monday:

    From Hell's heart, I stab
    At thee! For hate's sake, I spit
    My last breath at thee!

    (From wrath of khan)

  10. HILARIOUS. Love the one about the salad.

  11. You tell me this now?
    The F-word will bleep my blog?
    I use it anyway.



Back talk! Comment here!