Still no comments. I feel like I should say something but perhaps I'm having the same problem others are? I can't express in words the feelings that such images bring forth. Maybe that feeling was what you were getting at for questioning your own right to complain about having a hard time sleeping?
I signed up after 9/11 but got injured. Was still fighting for benefits when the Iraq invasion was imminent and tried to re-enlist but couldn't no matter what I tried due to that injury. I'm stuck on the sidelines. Watching guys much younger than me put themselves through hell in my stead. It tears me in two.
What can I do?
Anything I can doesn't seem to be enough but it beats doing nothing, I suppose. I can't explain the feeling. But I can't shake it regardless. I'm not doing enough and I don't think I can ever feel that I will be doing enough.
Whether I go back to sleeping on the street or sleeping on some friend or stranger's couch... it's not the same. My woes will never compete. I will never feel I'm doing enough. I don't know what to do with that feeling other than do whatever I can.
Hm, interesting take, my right to complain about lack of sleep. Perhaps I stymied folks with that one, not taking time to explain more...as I've written a similar post before, about insomnia, and was repeating a sentiment, and trying to keep it short.
Insomnia can be hell; not sleeping for weeks on end can make one absolutely bonkers, and one thing that's helped me cope is to decide NOT to complain about it...in my case, it only breathes energy into the problem...not only am I frustrated at night with the issue, but I talk about it, think about it, write about it, and rotate my life around it, making the monster bigger and bigger.
Imagining sharing the problem with someone that might scoff at me somehow puts The Monster Insomnia in its place.
The latest post prompted me to check back to see if any comments popped up on this one. Sorry about going a totally different direction than you intended... I have a preoccupation, noted above, that is easily roused with wartime subject matter.
As for coping with insomnia, I think I could relate to your description best with the personification of it and it reminded me both of personal and other descriptions of various "mind versus mind" battles to avoid going totally bonkers. Of course it was always with varying levels of success in reducing the problems associated with it, whatever "it" may have been for each person, from partial complex seizures or even schizophrenics.
In the end it may be a natural response to protect the "real" or "sane" self from the effects of some sort of ailment that the mind interprets as threatening to that self.
Still no comments. I feel like I should say something but perhaps I'm having the same problem others are? I can't express in words the feelings that such images bring forth. Maybe that feeling was what you were getting at for questioning your own right to complain about having a hard time sleeping?
ReplyDeleteI signed up after 9/11 but got injured. Was still fighting for benefits when the Iraq invasion was imminent and tried to re-enlist but couldn't no matter what I tried due to that injury. I'm stuck on the sidelines. Watching guys much younger than me put themselves through hell in my stead. It tears me in two.
What can I do?
Anything I can doesn't seem to be enough but it beats doing nothing, I suppose. I can't explain the feeling. But I can't shake it regardless. I'm not doing enough and I don't think I can ever feel that I will be doing enough.
Whether I go back to sleeping on the street or sleeping on some friend or stranger's couch... it's not the same. My woes will never compete. I will never feel I'm doing enough. I don't know what to do with that feeling other than do whatever I can.
It's all I got.
Hm, interesting take, my right to complain about lack of sleep. Perhaps I stymied folks with that one, not taking time to explain more...as I've written a similar post before, about insomnia, and was repeating a sentiment, and trying to keep it short.
ReplyDeleteInsomnia can be hell; not sleeping for weeks on end can make one absolutely bonkers, and one thing that's helped me cope is to decide NOT to complain about it...in my case, it only breathes energy into the problem...not only am I frustrated at night with the issue, but I talk about it, think about it, write about it, and rotate my life around it, making the monster bigger and bigger.
Imagining sharing the problem with someone that might scoff at me somehow puts The Monster Insomnia in its place.
The latest post prompted me to check back to see if any comments popped up on this one. Sorry about going a totally different direction than you intended... I have a preoccupation, noted above, that is easily roused with wartime subject matter.
ReplyDeleteAs for coping with insomnia, I think I could relate to your description best with the personification of it and it reminded me both of personal and other descriptions of various "mind versus mind" battles to avoid going totally bonkers. Of course it was always with varying levels of success in reducing the problems associated with it, whatever "it" may have been for each person, from partial complex seizures or even schizophrenics.
In the end it may be a natural response to protect the "real" or "sane" self from the effects of some sort of ailment that the mind interprets as threatening to that self.
Just my 2 cents.