They went on to discuss the fact that many obituaries of famous people are already written. Most are elderly. Dick Van Dyke, and Andy Griffith, for instance. They are both over 80 years old. When The Good Lord decides that it's their time, obituary editors 'round the world will have nothing more to do than fill in the time of death and print that suckah.
What intrigued me most, in the interview, were the obituaries of young celebrities that are obviously on a dangerous downward spiral. Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse were at the top of that list. To be young and so personally out of control that your obituary is already written, because it seems as likely that you'll die as it will that you will live...well, Hello, McFly! Personally, I imagine I'd make a gesture or three, if I were on the AP's "watched" list. Join that stress-reducing yoga class, or decrease my speed in the rain, or maybe bow out of that last martini.
In the meantime, I've decided to ease the workload of the AP Obituary Department, and WRITE MY OWN obit. They can just pull up my blog, cut and paste, and voila! Their work will be done. And accurate. Lord knows I don't want any factual errors following me to my grave!
I invite, you, if you dare, to join me, and writing your own obit. Leave it, or a link to it, in the comments.
I'll go first.
[Month, Day, 2075]
GNightGirl died yesterday, in her sleep, at the age of 112, after celebrating her first solo skydive with three dirty martini's. She was best known for fixing spaghetti for thousands of soldiers that just dropped in to see her after the end of Operation Iraqi Freedom. She was a painter, a photographer, and an author, beginning her career as an artist after the age of 50. Her only regret in life was yelling a little too loudly at her then-5-year-old son when he cut little diamond-shaped holes into her new bath towels.
She died penniless, spending every last cent on shipping 40 million-billion beanie babies around the world. She did, however, leave behind a $200,000 life insurance policy, meant to fund a street party in downtown Champaign, in lieu of a funeral.
The party will be on Saturday night, featuring Candy Foster and Shades of Blue (yes! they're still alive!). Beer tents, will be located at either end of the blocked off street. Cost of attendance: 1 flower. Rose, carnation, daisy, or dandelion—set one in a windowsill, or on the sidewalk, then dance.
Your turn. Double Dog Dare Ya.
P.S. Click here: "Tombstone Generator" to get yours.
(I really hope I don't wake up dead.)
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