Quarter in Your Butt: The Rules

Ok, due to popular demand, I've backtracked and gotten the rules for the Quarter in Your Butt game that I blogged about a few days ago. I paid a price, too: I took a good scolding for not listening to the rules the first 100 times I was told, and had to promise to carry a steno pad around with me, to take notes the next time Homer Speaks.

A sidenote: Homer's name is really Tom. Man, when you start hanging out with firefighters and EMTs, you NEED a frickin steno pad just to keep everyone straight. Not only is there a tight "brotherhood" between about 80 dozen of them, they all have 2 names. Homer is Tom, Junior is Ryan, Clint is Cletus, Dawgett is spelled Doggett, but his name is really Steve, there is more than one Chad, and Roger is imaginary altogether.

I digress.

Homer called me tonight, with The Official Rules of the Quarter in Your Butt game, which we have no name for. We decided that it would be ok to name it something that has "Rushing Construction" in the name. That is the name of Homer-Tom's construction business. Who couldn't use some thinly-veiled advertising, after all? Hey! They can build Decks and Sunrooms and Sheds and Garages...Rushing Construction, Homer, Illinois.

Crap, I'm digressing again. I shall cease and decist.

The Rushing Construction Quarter In Your Butt Game Rules and Regulations

1. To begin with, everyone gets a double shot glass.
   What is that? They were playing with big ol dixie cups the night I was there!
2. You fill YOUR shot glass with whatever it is that you are drinking, and set it aside.
   Or, if there aren't enough glasses to go around, just name your poison, but be ready to drink it.
3. Fill one double shot glass with any liquid (even water will do), so that IF the quarter lands inside of it, it won't bounce out. Set the glass on the floor.
4. The first person to play puts a quarter in their butt, or their crack, or their buttcrack, and then scoots across the floor to the glass, and tries to drop the quarter into the shot glass.
   I did not find the regulation distance between the starting point and the glass. It somehow seems funner the further away it is. Let's make it 1/4 mile. Or 5 feet. Whichever.
5. The Player with the Quarter in his or her butt tries to drop the quarter into the shot glass.
   
   • If the players makes it, he gets to point to any of the OTHER players, and force them to do a shot of whatever they're drinking.
   • The player gets to go again and again, until he misses the shot.
   • If the player misses, it's the next person's turn.
   • If the player hits the rim of his glass with his quarter, he gets to try one more time.
   • If the player hits the rim of his glass a second time, he has to forfeit his turn, and drink his own shot.

I never did find out how to determine the winner of the game.

You know, I don't really see that this has to be an adult drinking game. Quarters in your butt are fun at any age, and way better than pin-the-tail on the donkey, I figure. Adjust the rules, throw in a few prizes, and you can play this game at your child's next birthday party!

Easy for me to say: I still haven't summoned the courage to try it. Secretly, I'm afraid the quarter will get lost. It'll get lodged up there, and not come out for 4 or 5 days. Like finding a popcorn hull in your teeth: When did I eat popcorn??! Look:



SEE? I'm not crazy! That's HomerTom right there, teaching the game to everyone. As far as we know, he never DID find that quarter! It might pop out the next time he plays Nogla*, for all we know.

At any rate, there's the game, for those of you who asked.

If you're up for a challenge (Steakbellie), HomerTom swears that someone dropped a dime into an OpenPit Barbecue Sauce bottle. Game on; we'll see you on SpikeTV!









Homer has left the building.