Thursday, December 20, 2007

Army Mom Misses Son's Phone Call

Alternate Title: Getting a Grip

I just missed a phone call from Brian.

I was window shopping on my lunch break. My phone was in my coat pocket—set to vibrate, so as not to bother my coworkers. I forgot to switch it back to ring. I missed him by 2 minutes.

I HATE that, hate it, hate it, hate it! I was in public, so I threw an internal temper tantrum. Missing a call from him gives me severe Tourette's; my initial reaction is: "#$%#@# @$^%#@$ %@#$%@ %%^!!!," followed by imagining kicking over some garbage cans, and another string of "#@%@#@ ##@$%@# %$%$^*^*"

I envision throwing my phone to the sidewalk, and smashing it into a million pieces. I'd panic, immediately, of course, pick up all the bits and reassemble the phone, in case he tried to call back in a few minutes.

I settle down a bit. I pass on browsing, and shuffle back to the car, a black cloud over my head. I open and close the phone as I walk, willing it to ring again. Ring, dammit! I swear, I'll answer it! I drive back to work, with the phone in my hand.

I console myself: There, there. He's ok. If he's calling, he's ok. He'll try again tomorrow, or next time he gets a chance.

It makes me feel a little better, so I graduate to pouting, for the next hour or two.

I'm not the only one, I know. Jeff has also missed Brian's call before, and as we keep each other posted, I've heard his frustration on the other end of the phone. The same tantrum ensues. He recently left his phone in his office for 5 minutes, and missed Brian's call. Gah! #$%#$% And I just feel awful for him, as if I'd missed my call too.

It's so important to both of us that we've taken to communicating to one another, if we know anything. Brian will sometimes send me an e-mail, mentioning that he'll try to call in a few hours. I immediately get on the phone, call Jeff, and tip him off: Do NOT leave sight of your cell phone today! Likewise, Jeff has called me before, with a message that Brian will call me in 20 minutes.

It is so frustrating, missing a call from your soldierbaby. You can't return the call. It could be days before he can call again.

I've said it before, but for all of my weeping and gnashing of teeth before Brian left, I feel like I walk around coping pretty well. When I hear his voice though, I am filled with both an immediate sense of relief and an acute awareness of how worried I really am.

After a bit of pouting, the cloud lifts.

He probably thought of something I could send him.

He's ok.

And that, I know, is what matters, right now, more than than sound of his voice.

6 comments:

  1. A missed call is better than none =)

    You know for that moment, you were on his mind and that his is okay.

    I hope he calls back ASAP.

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  2. There, there, now. It's OK to feel pouty and OK to go ahead and pout. When the phone is the only communication you have with the #1 person in your life and you miss the call, you're entitled to some pouting. Personally, I'd like to see the kicking over of garbage cans, the knashing of teeth, and the cursing of a sailor. It's a pretty vivid picture!

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  3. Marinemom5:44 PM

    Been there, Lori. I'm not even allowed to have my phone on vibrate at the office. An then I get home to find that Billy's tried to call me four times! Oh the ups and downs of being a Military Mom. Sorry you missed the call,. I hope he calls again soon.

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  4. So disappointing! I hope he calls again soon.

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  5. Oh God, GNGirl, I Remember this feeling. You have my sympathy and empathy. And yes, as Nancy said, a missed call is better than no call.

    I, too, hope he calls back soon!!! I think it's great you and his dad are willing to look after each other during this time and realize you both love him and need the contact. Not every set of divorced parents could pull it off.

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  6. Congrats on getting additional kudos from News-Gazette editorial staff in today's paper.

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