Saturday, January 07, 2006

Pee, Nuts, and Roundabout Compliments

Melissa and I went out to dinner Friday night. I haven't figured out why dinner with anyone else costs about $12, but dinner with Melissa always comes to about $48,000,000. We met for gumbo and a salad a week before christmas, and with a glass of wine each, the bill with tip came to $58.

Last night we had tapas. 2 endive leaves each with a mayo slapped on, 1 scallop each, 3 cubes of tuna, and 3 shrimp scampi's each. Overall, we found the food bland, but each time the waiter returned, we told him everything was fine.

We opted to split a flourless chocolate cake for dessert. Something went awry in the kitchen; we gave our cake a little push and it fell into a pile of chocolate potting soil.

Give her drab dressing and tasteless tuna, but I am warning you, do NOT mess with Melissa's chocolate. When the waiter asked us how the dessert was, she smilingly said, "awful." She said it in such a cheerful tone that he replied, "I can't tell if you're being serious." She wiped that smile off her face and graciously, but very pointedly, explained that perhaps someone had microwaved the desert for too long.

In the end, the chef tried it, agreed with Melissa, and took the cake off the menu for the night. After the price of the dessert was taken off the bill, our bite-sized dinner came to an even $70.

We just have a knack.

After dinner, we went to a local pub, where beer and peanuts were in abundance. As luck would have it, Melissa found the world's biggest peanut, which, after a few beers is hilarious good fortune. Mel was very possessive about her Guinness-book-worthy peanut; "It's MINE" she exclaimed, "and I'm taking it home!"*

Well, it got to be 11:00, which is late for us old folks, and we decided to head on home. As we stood to gather on our coats, a man approached me and said, "I just have to tell you that my friend over there that thinks you're gorgeous; he's too shy to tell you himself."

Really?!! Someone thinks I'm gorgeous? Who? Where?

Melissa chimed in immediately: "Look at my peanut!"

While they got about figuring out how many peanuts made up the length of Melissa's peanut, our new friend continued, "No, seriously. He thinks you're gorgeous! In fact, here's exactly what he said: He SAID, [now get this] that 6 or 7 other men could look at you and not see a thing, but if they watched carefully, they'd realize how beautiful you are."

I cracked up. What do ya say? I'm in no hurry to hear a "Lori's Gorgeous" case that entails a list of reasons the 7 other guys would look right through me. Let's just take a few more peanut photos and quit while we're ahead.

As Mel and I headed out, laughing our butts off, I lamented that I am the Queen of Receiving Roundabout Compliments.

Still laughing, she insists I am not. "Oh, HUH!" I tell her, even last week while I had dinner with her and L.A. Lori, I remind her, they both commented on how great my hair looked...


Nothing's funnier than the truth; we were doubled over laughing, until Melissa peed her pants. And just for that hair comment, and because she keeps telling me that I'm the sweet one of the group, no matter how I tell her what a Bad-Ass I really am, I'm going to post THIS picture, of Mel checking the laughter-damage.

Oh YEAH! Who's sweet NOW, girlfriend? BWA-ha-ha! Woot-Woot!

[P.S.: When we going out next for some $100 mac n cheese?]


  1. I laughed so hard that the kids TWO FLOORS UP asked what was wrong! That picture! Poor Melissa.

    But she does have the largest peanut I've ever seen!

  2. that's a LARGE mutated peanut.I had a pasta meal once which was horrendously salty but being the trooper I was back when I was younger and naive, I soldiered on and finished it. And promptly gulped down my cola. When the proprieter asked how the meal was, I smiled and said it was a little bit salty today. ( at that time, I had taken to having my lunch there on a regular basis ) The next visit there....I got my meal for FREE. Aren't some people nice?

  3. I have friends like that ~ where you can laugh and say really anything. Great isn't it? I remember once being told "Pobble, you're so beautiful on the inside." So at least you're not alone! And that is one big ol' honkin' peanut!

  4. Oh, her fingers are only an inch long! You are the sweet one and very beautiful...Yesterday! Ha!

  5. A fine story.

    But what hapeened to the peanut?

  6. I mean what "happened" to the peanut?

  7. Gosh, it always surprises me how much I enjoy your blog!


    Seriously, you're awesome.

  8. Wendy: That made ME laugh.

    Edina: I love the proprietors that take care of their customers. They make things right at the cost of one meal, and they get a lifelong customer in exchange. Why do so many miss that point?

    Pobble: Glad you stopped by. Yah, we should all have friends like this. And "beautiful on the inside" is a good one; it's right up there with "pretty if she'd lose some weight."

    PP (aka LA Lori): You're onto us; it was just an illusion, thanks for giving it away. I am very beautiful...1 out of 10 dentists saya so.

    Greg: Melissa has already encased that peanut in glass, installed a good security system, and hired round-the-clock security guards, until she can contact Smithsonian Institution, and have it placed next to the Hope Diamond, where it should be.

    Tracy: You're awesome too. Feed me gumbo!

  9. qi'm not even going to tell you what that peanut looks like. *lol*


  10. The laughter-damage checking picture is hilarious!!! I love it!!

  11. Melissa9:54 AM

    Honey, I'm destined to take the backseat to your beauty, a seat I gladly take. Never have I known one individual that can garnish so many admirers by walking into a room. Own up to your beauty darling because you definitely possess it! Oh, and that peanut is indeed larger than my "2 1/2 inch" pinky Ms. P.

  12. Melissa: So gracious of you not to mention we usually have to call security on my so-called "admirers." No wonder you're so willing to take a backseat!

  13. Did ya get it? Huh? Huh? Did ya get that I wrote a backwards compliment? Did ya? Huh?

    Hmm, I guess if I have to explain it....

    I will feed you gumbo! By hand. heh.

    Oh, and what Melissa said.

  14. Tracy: Good God, that went right over my bottled-blond head, even though I actually thought, "why is she surprised?"


  15. That peanut was way too large to be natural. It might be the result of radiation. LOL

  16. LOL! Well, like I said, if I have to explain my own damn jokes, it's more an issue of my lameness than your blondeness, darlin'.

  17. Reality Check: You're a knockout by anyone's standards. Those guys need to get a clue.
    Love the pee pic! You're a hellofa pal!

  18. I zoomed in the pics to see if "Mel*" peeded her pants ..



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