Sunday, May 06, 2007

Authentic Artificiality

I helped friends with a garage sale today. A hefty table of fine costume jewelry was left in my charge, and I was amused to note these faux pearls, in a pretty little box, sitting on the table:

Upon reading the Guarantee, I had to imagine the fellow that wrote that copy to be one smooth talker. Check out the first line:

(Click to enlarge)

It's true: These really are real fake pearls. No one bought them today, but I have connections. They had a five-dollar price tag on them; I can pull some strings and get them for you for ten.


  1. Anonymous12:02 PM

    I once saw a pair of earrings at the mall that proclaimed that they were made of “Genuine Acrylic.”

  2. "All our furniture is covered in genuine artificial leatherette."

  3. I remember my first roommate in high school coming home with "sliced artificial processed cheese food." Scary stuff...

  4. A bargain at any price! I always wanted to see you with a pearl necklace.

    word ver: qwgyntys

    I just can't go there.

  5. Where did I think these comments were going to go? I'm reminded of "bacon flavored bits."

    Anon: Is there such a thing as artificial acrylic, after all?

    Wil: Isn't that the same thing as Pleather?

    PobsBaby: That stuff terrifies me; I recently passed on a boxed pasta salad for something similar.

    Andy: I WONDERED who'd bring up the pearl necklace, why did I ever wonder? I reiterate: This is a family blog, there are toddlers reading!

    ...And for the record, 10 days of penicillin will rid you of your qwgyntys.

  6. Barbara Bush would LOVE them *smirk*

    Good word ver:

  7. That is priceless!

    Andy - Faux pearl necklace? Not sure what THAT would be. Yikes.

  8. I'd never wear anything less than genuine quality fakes.


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