Friday, May 25, 2007

Outrage, Clarity, Appreciation, Celebration

I mentioned, in an earlier post, that we recently discovered that my sister's cancer has returned. She has two large tumors, one rascally one that has wrapped itself 'round some major arteries and blood vessels.

She and her family are headed to St. Louis, MO, to Barnes Hospital, on Monday, and she will go into surgery on Tuesday, around noon.

Though we know she is going to be fine; it is a very serious surgery, and so, extremely nervewracking to all of us. The doctors there, of course, have the legal obligation of giving us every single scary possibility. It's a complicated surgery, will entail a lot of blood loss, and blood transfusions. They expect to keep her in ICU for two weeks.

You can understand: We are edgy. She will be fine, but there is no denying that we all dread the next few days. Surgery. Yuck. Worry. Stress. Headaches. But she will be fine.

This is the second time she's done this, and I don't think she'll mind if I tell you: She's not as chipper this time around, as she was the first. Sometimes, this time around, she just doesn't feel like being so damned strong. "So don't!" I tell her. My big sisterly advice, heh: Go ahead and gnash your teeth.

But she is strong. She buckles up and rallies, and she is damned strong. She's so freakin selfless, it blows me away. The day she found out, she called me crying, yes, but her first words to me, "I can't do this to everyone again." That, 10 minutes out of the doctor's office, kiddies.

And I'm not writing here, to convince you of her strength. If I keep going, she's going to read this and get all choked up and start crying again, and we've had enough of that.

I'm writing today, to VENT. I am, this evening, outraged. Angry. Livid.

My sister lives in a small town. Word tends to spread, in a small town, and networking can be a bit tighter, for good or bad. The first time my sister had cancer, a woman in this small town gave her a call. Her son goes to school with my nephew.

The woman offered to raise my nephew, in the event that Teri didn't make it.

Stop the presses! What? This woman, my sister does not even know, called to take her son away, in the event of her death. It's a nonissue, I know, but uh....there is her husband Tim, her daughter, Brandi. Me. Our Mother. Tim's family.

So the woman is certifiable. No use getting upset over a nutjob such as this. She has come to mind recently. I thought "Jesus, I hope Crackpot Woman doesn't call Teri again." Why on EARTH, did I not bring it up to Teri? Teri's had so many other things on her mind that she FORGOT about crackpot woman.

Teri called me this evening. She didn't get much sleep last night, and she asked me, "How can it be that 5,000 people can hold you up, and 1 comment from one idiot can completely undo you?"

Crackpot Woman DID call her last night, offering her prayers, and her "moral support" to my sister. After offering all of this "moral support", she said to my sister,

"Honestly hon, I don't think you're going to make it."

I know.

I heard you.

The Gasp Heard 'round the World. I heard it.

Teri and I both know she's the "sweet" one in the family. She's much more tender-hearted than I am, doesn't like confrontation. She's like Mom.

But I'm like Dad.

Teri politely "begged to differ" with the woman, and got off the phone, depressed as hell and didn't sleep a wink.

I, upon hearing the news, had a complete hissy fit. Hissy fit. Make no mistakes: I prettied that up.

I pointed my finger at my little sister. She wasn't even here! She was calling from her own home, and still I waved my arm around and pointed my finger, and I told her
If that bitch EVER calls you again, you call me. She will know, in no uncertain terms, that she is never EVER to contact you again, as long as she lives.
Turns out my niece had already delivered the same speech, and had picked up the phone to tell her that herself, but Teri kept her from it.


Why am I writing this? I have no idea. I really do walk around in general wonder at the kindness and generosity of the people in this world. I'm blown away every day, by the gestures made to my sister in her battle, and by those made in my own life, right now. You'll hear more about this.

And we know, logically, that this woman that says these hurtful things to my sister...she is...crazy, or unhappy, or evil. We know, ultimately, that we have to let it go, that there is nothing constructive about dwelling on her intent, her audacity, her idiocy, her ignorance, or, mostly likely, her insanity.

We know.

This is not about us.

It is still unbelievably difficult to let it lie. To not give her the power to manipulate us into anger, hatred, and outrage, in a time when we desperately need peace, faith, and love.


And that sentence just came spilling out of me, and it was the answer I was looking for. It's what I was after.

Wow. Thanks for talking to me, I feel a lot better now, you were so helpful.

And send a holla out to your God, or wish upon a star, or cross your fingers, sing a song, or dance a jig, or raise your glass for my sister, and our family, now, and next week.

We'll take all the positive energy we can get.

As soon as we get through this, then, you're all invited over. We'll celebrate.

We will.


  1. Sending California hippie-style good vibes to your sister, your family, and especially you.

  2. Anonymous4:00 AM

    When mom told me; the words that shot out of my mouth; with out thought; were "that bitch is crazy". As you know I already tried to give her what she deserves, but mom won't let me out of my cage. UGH!!! *rattles bars*


  3. That bitch needs a slap. Form an orderly queue and bring your own blunt instruments!

    A friend of mine just had to have her breast cancer tagged as it has resopnded so well to treatment; these things come in threes so with my friend and your sister, we've still got enough for one more person! Hurrah!

  4. "To not give her the power to manipulate us into anger, hatred, and outrage, in a time when we desperately need peace, faith, and love."

    Gnight, you never cease to amaze me with your writing. This (not only the quote; the whole piece) is awesome. (In the original meaning of "awesome" - filling with awe.)

  5. Wow, this post made me cry.

    You are a strong and wonderful person ... and kind ... because I would have pulverized the crazy woman.(Can you block her # from your sisters phone?)

    I pray for Brian, and now for Teri, but I admire you and your courage.

  6. Prayers from me to sis, from me to you, from me to Brian, from me to your mom. I'll be thinking about all of you a lot.

  7. Good vibes, Hippie style, those are the best, Larry. Thanks.

    Brandi, baby, Mom won't let you out of the cage, but I have the spare key. heh heh hehhhh

    Sveny: Right, a blanket party! And Hurrah, hurrah, thanks for all the positivity! (Go look that up, I might have just invented the word)

    Amishlaw: Thank you, friend.

    Nancy: It's not so much that I'm kind, as that I figure if the woman is stupid enough to say these things, she's not going to get the point anyway. Still...a little "don't you ever pick up that phone again" might be in order. I'm not sure about blocking the phone, we'll check into it.

    S-S: Thank you darling, for everything!

  8. Lori.

    E-mail me the phone number of "Miss Sweet Thoughts".

    That gives you "plausible deniability".

    Or post it and see what grief your fellow bloggers can beset upon her.

    Heh heh

    Best thoughts to your sis.

  9. Hi G

    It surpasses me that a woman with that level of ignorance or any form of cancer would have the audacity to waste its time messing with women of such strengths... Surely this cancer has no chance whatsoever. My thoughts and prayers are with your sister...

  10. Anonymous11:19 AM

    First thing I thought was that woman needs popped.
    Second thing was good for your sister for not wasting time getting all up over someone who is so obviously cracked.
    She needs her own energy now, and your kind loving attention towards her.
    All my best to your sister and your family.

    Later you can point and mock at creepy lady for a good laugh.
    We have a creepy guy that got banned from my work...he has given us years of good material !

    I also thought you could dig this Buddha quote:
    Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”
    (Hindu Prince Gautama Siddharta, the founder of Buddhism, 563-483 B.C.)


  11. good thoughts being sent to your sister (and you). we'll inundate her with them so she won't be touched by the inappropriateness of the weirdos/nutcases of the world!

  12. OMG! That is the most awful thing I've ever heard. And you're right - I did gasp.

    Hugs and best wishes to all of you. I'm thinking about you.

  13. OMFG! Pardon my french. I have connections in that town. I know some kids who need an adventure and I have a whole mess-o-toilet paper so email me whatever you got and we will take care of the rest.

  14. Positive vibes coming from Oz too. I marvel at you and your sisters strength.

  15. 1. Positive energy coming your way! All kinda good Pagan-shake-the-chicken-feet-work-the-mojo-positive energy coming...right...NOW! Shazam! Seriously, I'll get a candle charged and ready.

    2. You are amazing. Your family is amazing. Do not let anyone bring you out of a place of strength and confidence.

    3. A completely selfless and supportive offer: I will be willing to call the crazy, psychotic bitch and take that concern off your hands. Because it's not about me and what I want to say to her. Not about me wanting to smack her so hard her neighbors will feel it. Or even about my not gasping, as you predicted, but yelling "that [censored]" loudly enough that you probably heard it there in Illinois. Not At All. It's all about you, Teri and the rest of the family. 'Cause I'm a giver.

  16. Your sister will absolutely be fine! As for that crazy person, I don't even know where to begin. So, I'm going to join you in forgetting about her. Good thoughts, good thoughts...

  17. I gasp so loud my daughter ask me "what?". OMG, the nerve.

    I'll send good thoughts and healthy prayers her way.

  18. Just ignore crazy lady and put your thoughts and energy into your sisters recovery. She will get through it, focus on that thought...we all will too!

  19. Once about 7 years ago, I almost died. I had been put into an induced coma, I literally had to say good bye to people in case I didn't make it. Well obviously I did-only to find out the gossip chain just about had me dead and buried. I found who started it and gave them a rather calm(for me) sermon on gossip. I wish your sister the best, to the family that will be her main support.

  20. I say we go kick her ass.

    Good karma headed your sister's way!!!

  21. Whoa! If ever you need that bitch hurt let me know, I'll take care of it - happily.

    Sending good vibes to you, your sister and family. Hang in there.

  22. I hope the operation goes smoothly. My granny died two days back from cancer..and an uncle is fighting colon cancer.( After winning the battle from cancer of the nose ). Difficult time this. I offer my prayer to your family..and sister especially.

  23. Lots of hugs lots of hugs...tons of prayers...

    and remmember: "God wants you to Hold Your Peace"...

    all those comments from crazy a** bitches are just a set up to steal your peace and tranquility...

    Hold your peace and if all else fails, buy a'll come in handy...

  24. I'm still shaking my head in amazement over that one.

    Thinking and praying for your sister....



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