Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Post-Dentist Whining

I admit: I'm a hater.

A dentist hater.

It's beyond my control. My dentist is a nice enough guy. He's handsome and pleasant, his prices are reasonable, and he does a great job. I like him just fine, while the hygienist straps on that bib, and I like him just fine when he cheerfully asks me how my day was, and did I get to speak to my son on Mother's day.

But the second he hits that foot pedal to start tipping that chair back, I begin developing an extreme disdain for him and everyone in his profession. My heart starts racing, and I want to jump out of my chair, and run down the street screaming and flailing my arms.

I had to have 2 fillings this evening, both on the right side of my face. As I had my teeth cleaned a month ago, this was the first procedure on the agenda:


The needle went straight through the back of my jaw and into my inner ear. I'm sure of it. Twice. Once for top, once for bottom. After a few minutes, we began Phase II:


Part of an old filling had to be removed to fix a cavity around it. I do not care to see or feel metal shavings and dental debris flying out of my mouth. I don't like it, Sam I Am.

The filling on the bottom just happened to be located between two teeth. So the dentist had to apply one of these in there somewhere:

I don't know if it was attached to the tooth that was being worked on, or the tooth next to it, but it was ratcheted down pretty good. The sight of it hanging in front of my face triggered my gag reflex. I forced myself to relax, as we hurried on to step 4:

Fill, fill, fill, and then tamp tamp tamp with one of these:


More sanding and grinding, and biting ensued, and then WHOOOP! The dentist hit a button on the chair...


And I was back on my feet and out the door, running into walls while the blood runs back out of my head.

"I'm disoriented," was the last thing I said to him. He responded "heh heh hehhhhh" and something about hot and cold food.

My dentist's office is on the same street I live on: Here's a shot of me, walking home:



It's 90 minutes later. I keep biting the inside of my right cheek. My right eye and my right ear are both completely numb. Stick your finger in my ear.

See? Didn't feel a thing.

Big Catch-22 on this anesthesia wearing off, too. I'll be able to feel my lips again, this is true. It's the holes where that giant syringe went through my head that I'm not looking forward to recognizing.

I guess I'll count my blessings, and look forward to a healthy smile, and bright, shiny teeth.

Still. That's the last time I'm getting my teeth fixed at Farm 'N Fleet.

17 comments:

  1. So sorry, sooo funny!I am the worst coward at the dentist so i understand .

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  2. AAAAGGGHHH!!! I hate dentists, too.

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  3. Ouch. That sounds painful.

    I'm going to have to get my wisdom teeth out in a few weeks and I am so not looking forward to it.

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  4. Wow, I think you need to find a new dentist. Some of those torture instruments look medieval.

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  5. Really, I wish this post wasn't so funny because I feel bad that I'm laughing!

    I hope you're feeling better this morning!

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  6. Perfect description and photos! Sorry to laugh at your expense. I hope your feeling better today. =)

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  7. I continue to be amazed at how you can make something as mundane as a visit to the dentist amusing and interesting. This is why you're a daily stop.

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  8. LOL. That's the funniest thing I've read in yonks!

    Maybe I'm strange, but I've always LIKED going to the dentist . . . even after having had numerous baby teeth extracted, cavities, braces, and an emergency root canal at the age of 12.

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  9. This post sums up my feelings regarding the dentist as well. I need to go in and get a crown (for a tooth I broke that had a previous filling and for one filling. I don't really mind the drilling and stuff....I just can't stand the needle!!! After he's done with the needle, my blood pressure drops.

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  10. Tell me about it. I hate going to the dentist, too. Especially when the hygienist is done cleaning your teeth and proceeds to tell you how to brush your teeth. Like I don't know how to brush my teeth. Sorry you had to work so hard to clean the back teeth. That reflects on my toothbrushing techniques. Thanks.

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  11. Well, just look at it this way. You could have to go to the orthodontist. When they change my wires, I swear they are going to snip of my whole cheek with those wire cutters!

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  12. i also "love" my dentist personally but i too believe something happens to him when he sets up the chair so that i'm lying there upside down. actually, a couple of years ago, i had to have a procedure at the very back, lower molar. after they had placed 15 things in my mouth (at least!) and he started the drill, i started to have a major panic attack -- not being able to breathe and crying and wanting to scream... they immediately sit me upright, offering suggestions to make it better, one being xanax (um, no, i don't think so!). we decided to try nitrous oxide/gas. of course, that almost became unbearable for me since they put the nose-thing on my nose w/o starting the gas (did i mention that claustrophobia is part of my problem??). but the gas ultimately did the trick, and i calmed down enough for him to finish the procedure. needless to say, if there's anything remotely to do with the drill, i schedule the gas too. my relationship with my dentist is now doing much better!

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  13. blech! Really funny post, though!

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  14. I hate them too. Does anyone in the universe actually like going to the dentist?

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  15. Did you know dentists have one of the highest rates of suicide of any profession? OK, no they don't.

    http://www.straightdope.com/columns/010420.html

    I feel your pain. I dunno about reasonable prices though. I've shelled out many thousands in the past two years alone. And I thought my teeth were healthy!

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  16. No you didn't....show a picture of a drill in a post about the dentist....I opened it up and died laughing!!!!!!

    Plus I also believe that dentist had the highest rate of suicide also! LOl Silly me!

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  17. I just wish that all dental hygienists were hawt hawt hawt. I don't want anyone poking around in my mouth that I wouldn't want to go to bed with.

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