Great American Search for a Sexy Country Boot

Winter is setting in, and I'm starting to get an idea of how much of a change country life is going to be for me. Traffic and people and surrounding houses melt all of the snow from my "city" surroundings. I can step out of the house in suede clogs, walk across a concrete driveway and hop into my car, with nary a thought of getting my feet wet.

I drive 7 miles to The Country Casa, though, to find that there's still 3 inches of snow between me and the front door, and I'm for a sock full of it. 2 socks full, actually.

Boots! I'm going to have to find myself a good pair of warm, functional, countrified boots! I started searching early. I went into a respectable shoe store, and told the clerk my story. What I need: Warm boots. Yes. For the country.

She showed me something similar to these:

Well. That's not quite what I had in mind. Something I can work in, maybe? A little more functional? So, she brought out something more like this one:

Well. That isn't it either. I finally asked her, "Well, I want it to be warm and functional, but I want it to be sexy, too." Because seriously, I can not put on makeup and a cute little sweater, and muck into The Esquire in these things. Fine. I'm shallow. Whatevs. Talk to the hand.

The clerk actually said to me (very dryly, I might add), "You don't ask for much, do you?"

It may not surprise you to learn that I left empty handed. I came home to continue my boot search on the internet. Sexy boots, I'll search for sexy boots.

Yeah. These aren't going to work. I wouldn't make it down the stairs in these things before my calves cramped up. Let's try for warm boots, and see what turns up.

Here's a pair, called "Drizone Down" boots. I immediately renamed them "Fall Down" boots, because I'm absolutely sure that's what I'd do if I tried these on. Why don't I just tie a couple of pillows to my feet and shuffle around? These look like quilted drywall stilts. I'm out.



Let's turn to functional boots.

Hey, these aren't too bad:
I actually kind of liked these until I found out that Stella McCartney designed them. Insensitive of me to say, I know, but once I found out that Stella designed them, I just couldn't get over thinking that they sort of look like prosthetic legs. (I'm sorry, Stella.) But do I really need zippers, laces, and velcro to keep my boots on?

*It has been pointed out to me in the comments that Paul McCartney's ex's name is Heather, not Stella. My bad. Well, too late, the boot still reminds me of a prosthetic leg now. It's done.

I'm starting to figure out that I'm going to have to settle. To give in. Sacrifice. Compromise.

I hate that.

Fine.

These aren't too bad. I can live with them. My jeans will cover most of them up, after all.


Not terrible, my jeans would be covering most of these up too. Only the covered part is the best looking part.


These do look warm, maybe I should just go for warmth.


Wait.

Look. What. I. Found.

Eureka!

This is The Keen Winthrop.

The skies have opened up, and Angels are singing. These boots are black. Sleek. Waterproof. Warm. They are sexy from every angle. I love these boots! I love my Keen's sandals, and I'm sure that I'll love these boots too. These, after months and months of search, are The Boot. The warm, functional, sexy country boot.

$140.

Have I mentioned I have $3K worth of dental work in my future?

$140.

You know...

...these are kind of growing on me.