Wednesday, August 17, 2005

In a Pinch...

I put lip balm on my toe last night.

I had to; I'd split it open, and then discovered that first-aid sundries are something I've overlooked while stocking my new place. Carmex was all I had in the way of medicated ointments.

A few months ago I found myself 10 minutes into my workday when my bra "tuh-WANG'd" itself, broke right in the front, middle, leaving me with a cup under each armpit. Hey, The Girls might not be front & center anymore, but they're not under my armpits...yet. Hence, a dilemma. I found one of those big black notebook binder clamps, and made the necessary repairs to get me through the day. A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

I know women who, when they acquire a run in their panty hose, cut off the leg with the run...and then combine two one-legged pairs to make one whole pair. (I'd personally rather gouge out my eyes with scissors before squeezing into TWO pairs of control-tops, but that's just me.)

C'mon, you've all forgotten your toothbrush and pasted up your index finger, I know you have!

It's Confession Time! Open up! Spill it! Send me the quick fixes you've made to tide things over in minor emergencies! I'm dying to know.


  1. two years ago, Grandpa Houge's funeral in Iowa, early October. COLD for a Tucson girl. While in Iowa I bought hose to wear with my mourning suit. I'd brought closed-toe slides for my feet, but because of the hose I couldn't keep them on (should have called them *flies* because each time I took a step they'd fly off). I'd packed extra everything for Jack, because he was just two years old at the time. He had extra socks, the kind with the kid-tread on the bottom. So I snipped off the heel/ankle portion of the sock and wore the toes inside my flies, making them slides once again.

  2. I've got one for you next time I see you. I don't want to post it here.


  3. Cluck cluck cluck!!!

    Just kidding, my imagination already runs amok! I can hardly wait to find out!

  4. Anonymous10:58 AM

    One newly warm spring day I was sitting in a lovely patio in a downtown bar with a friend. I happen to notice that a man that I dated briefly was headed towards our general vicinity. I said to my drunken (as usual) friend "Quick give me your lip blop, I can't let him see my heels looking like this"! Since my feet had recently came out of hibernation of socks and shoes and had my "Hello, Spring" kicky little sandals on. The friend happily donated her lip blop and my heels were saved and I still ended up looking like the demure sex kitten that I truly am. The former beau bought us drinks all night and commented on our beauty and charm all night! Score! Hmmm...Actually, this happened to you, I get our stories confused.

  5. this isn't exactly an "in a pinch," but could be used as such if you ever find yourself facing four days with just one pair of underpants:

    (this is one of those friend of a friend stories)

    My aunt does the books for a physician in Buffalo, NY. One summer the physician and his wife had just returned from a vacation, and the wife stopped in to chat with my aunt. Mrs. Dr babbled about the vacation, then launched into a fascinating account of how she gets four days out of each pair of underpants she packs: "On the first day I wear them normally. On the second day, I wear them backwards. On the third day, I wear them inside out. And on the fourth day, I wear them inside out AND backwards."

    On the fifth day, they walk out of the room by themselves. THEN you have to start with a new pair.

    Because underpants take up SO MUCH room in your suitcase.


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