The Built-In Shelf-Bra.
Placed now, for our convenience, in most tank tops, swimsuits, spaghetti-strap tops, and even in our comfy pajamas. We will not be required to wear a bra with this garment, because there's one built in! Voila! Only one garment, instead of two! No straps falling off of our shoulders!
Who are they kidding? Their labels should read:
Built In Shelf Bra (BISB):
- A strip of ace-bandage-like fabric sewn inside, guaranteed to flatten even the most ample bosom to the physique of a 10-year old boy.
- Only the most, industrial-strength, steel-toed, push-em-up bra will stand up to the binding powers of the BISB, should you desire any semblance of owning breasts.
- Scritchy little elastic band at the base of the BISB, to dig into your torso all day long.
- BISB fabric will shrink at a different rate than the fabric of your garment, ensuring aesthetic bunching and puckering after only one washing.