Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Fire in the hole!
More cafe excitement Saturday night. We all heard a little glass-breaking sound, and began searching around: was it a light bulb overhead? It was apparent soon enough that it was no light bulb; a sulfur-ish stench permeated the area, and we knew we were victims of a drive-by bombing, a direct hit. Peee-uw!
The odor dissipated soon enough for those of us outside, but managed to make its way inside, and stink out the patrons for a good 5 minutes.
I pondered. Is this blog worthy? What can I find to say about a stink-bombing? Some research was in order.
FYI, a Google search for "stink bomb" will give you 339,000 results. There's a lot more to be said than I had imagined.
Outside of their being fun-for-everyone gag gifts, they may also one day become legitimate tools for warfare and crowd control. Here's a blurb from National Geographic's website:
"... scientists are focusing on odors with biological origins—vomit, human waste, body odors, burnt hair, and rotting garbage. Confronted with these stenches, people from most cultures try to avoid the sources, said Dalton. ''
Note the "people from most cultures" disclaimer. "The smell of vomit and human waste may cause most of you to back out of a militia-man's path, but it all smells like roses to us Bumfuckians; you'll never get us to leave! Bwah-ha-haaaaaaaaaa!!"
Having entirely too much space in my head, I contemplated more:
How in the heck do you end up in the liquid fart business? Do you pursue it, or are Family Fart Dynasty's just handed down from generation to generation? What's it like to spend $30,000 on your degree in marketing and advertising...and land your first 9-to-5 job as a copywriter for FartMart.com? (There really is a fartmart.com.)
What is his/her day like? Are they having a blast, coming up with synonyms for "stink" or are they serious, stern businessmen determined to figure out their target markets, and make a cool million? Here's a good sample:
"Once broken, our stink bombs give off a wretched rotten egg stink. There are 3 glass bombs per box, each with enough potency to cause some serious damage. Throw one of these stink bombs down in a small building, and it will literally clear the place out. When we say that these bombs stink, we mean that these babies really stink. "
I was nearly sold, but reminded myself about the new budget I just set up for myself. I cannot afford to be blowing money on luxuries right now. I removed them from my shopping kart, and logged off.