Friday, May 05, 2006

Aye, yii, yii, yiii

Aye, yii, yii, yiiii,
I am dee Frito Bandito.
I love Frito's Corn Chips,
I love dem I do.
I love Frito's Corn Chips,
I take dem from you.

How many of you remember having one of these on the end of your pencil in grade school? Who amongst you will be haunted by this jingle for the next 4 days?

This is the beautiful view out of my window at work. The Frito Lay Distributor. I've worked next to this place for 19 years, and never once have they been neighborly enough to bring us a Frito Care-Package. No holiday baskets. No "hey, just thought you could use a few bags of potato chips for the weekend picnic." Not one lousy chip.

They hoard their chips. Look carefully at the fence. Barbed wire! Is all that necessary?

Yesterday, while I was e-mailing Wendy working hard at my desk, a panicky voice rang through my window: "ABORT! ABORT!" I stewed on that for a few minutes, thinking at first that it was women's voices I heard, just a few employees having fun in the parking lot on their way home. But the voices were so frantic that I decided I'd best survey the situation, see if there was any blood present, determine that an ambulance didn't need to be summoned.

I peeked out to find: It was raining chips! Bag after bag came flying over the brush, and a little kid on our side of the fence was catching them, gathering up what he could. A second child appeared on the other side of the fence, the chip pitcher.

I'm not sure why I found this so amusing; if it had been my own kid, I would have tanned his lily-white hide. Or at least, grounded him. But it wasn't my kid, so it was funny. I took alternate action: I ran to get my co-worker, Elena. "Psst, 2 lil' kids are robbing Frito Lay. Come see!"

We huddled in the window and witnessed the heist unfold, the kids continuing to yell military commands about aborting the mission and getting back to base.

Elena was just as concerned as I was. She watched for a few minutes then said, "too bad we're too old to do that."

Take a closer look:

They left behind some of their booty! Valuable pork rinds, I think it is!

I imagine myself crawling out the window (I really think I could fit), and grabbing those chips and racing back in. heh heh hehhhhh!

I also imagine helicopters appearing out of nowhere, with SWAT members repelling out of it, screaming at me with bullhorns: "Put the chips on the ground and back away! Back away from the chips!!" Elena, of course, would be inside, screaming "ABORT!" but it would be too late. I'd end up serving time, Frito-framed by two wily little boys.

I guess it's not worth all that.


...I did forget to bring lunch today...



  1. You could always sucker one of the brothers to go get the bag for you. Just bat your eyelashes and tell them you-know-who dropped them whilst checking the fence for manuscript thieves. Heh, heh...suckers.

  2. LMAO! How hysterical. Yes, I had several of those for my pencils. Every color. And, that song will be stuck in MY head, so thanks a lot. At least I can forget the one that's been stuck the last couple days.

    The story is priceless. I can't believe those kids! How funny is that!? Thanks for the laugh :)

  3. What a funny story! Those kids living out a Frito-Lay dream...

    I can just imagine you sneaking around and peeking through the window...I love workday excitement!!

  4. Workday excitment absolutely nil in this end .. I guess we would have to trade places .. You should have started shouting abort abort and seen how they reacted to it ..

    Fun stuff ..


  5. It's like apple scrumping for the twenty-first century! Love it!

  6. It took a double dose of Nine Inch Nails AND some Godsmack to get this song out of my head. Thank you. Really.

    It is, of course, back since I have come to comment here. Time to turn back on the Nine Inch Nails.

  7. Well thank goodness I can't remember the Frito jingle or I'd be really upset with you. I too had numerous grimy Frito Bandito erasers. What a fun way to distract yourself from Social Studies...
    I laughed so hard at your helicopter Frito Lay surveillance team!

  8. Why would we WANT to get it out of our heads?..haha

    What? you weren't a good citizen and reported the crime? a Gomer Pyle voice (to go with the retro Frito song) For shame! for Shame! For shame!

  9. CDap: That's right! I can make one of my minions retrieve the pig rinds! Thanks for reminding me, and come back to work here!

    Wendy: Those things never erased a thing, did they? Just left a big red smudge on your page.

    Momo: Workday excitement's fun. Not like watching them haul a dead guy out, like YOUR workday window peeping, but still fun.

    Ilaiy: Those kiddies would probably have needed a change of pants if I'd screamed anything out that window. I was very tempted!

    Sveny: Scrumping. Will look it up, though I think I get the idea. Scrumping for Fritos.

    Pobble: Try this one for awhile then: Ummm..In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight...

    Holly: Those erasers WERE grimy, they were always blackened, and like I said before, never erased a thing!

    Barry: TY.

    Barry: Citizen's Ar-ray-est! Citizen's A-ray-est! Well...maybe they're just nabbing expired Fritos from the dumpster...maybe.

    Nah...I figure if I see them again, I might ppsssst them over and whisper to them that a bag of fritos' might not be worth sitting in the back of a squad car for. (Now, get me some doritos, kid!)

  10. Never heard of scrumping!? Here is a lament for the lost art petty childhood theft. Perhaps it's a British thing, like bowler hats and the Royal Family (though the later show no signs of dying out yet, God love 'em.)

  11. shannon4:24 PM

    Wow. I missed all of that. I must have been hard at work...

    But we did notice the bag of pork rings and wonder what it was doing there.


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