I like Halloween, though I don't actively participate any more. Dressing up to sit unseen in a cubicle all day long seems moot, and there are no trick-or-treaters in my 'hood. Still, I like to head downtown and check out other, more spirited souls.
I met Momo and Woof at Cafe Kopi on Halloween eve, and settled in to watch the fun. Upon arriving, Woof mentioned that there was a crazed clown walking around with a real machete. We paid him little mind.
But as we sipped our beverages, that clown walked into the cafe, carrying about 18 balloons. And a machete, and he was splattered with blood. He had a creepy, low, walk, and I swear to God I began to hyperventilate when he sidled right up to our table. It was the scariest thing I'd ever had standing before me, and to boot, he was emitting a weird, badger-like, giggle. Momo and I involuntarily moved our chairs closer together, while our clown kept hissing.
Just as I was sure he was going to split my head open aka Slingblade, I said to Momo, "Is that J-j-j-j-j-joel?" Marcy repeated the question, and he said "YES!" He IS Joel!
I squinted at him. Yeah, right. I could have said "Is that 'Bob?' " and he might have agreed to that too. Could I see some ID? I guess clown pants down have pockets for ID, and I just had to take his word for it. I was never quite convinced, as you can see from my body language in this picture.
To this day, I'm not entirely convinced I was standing next to any Joel at all. I mean, here's a pic of the clown, next to the guy he claims to be:
Hm. I'm probably lucky to be alive today.
But so is he. Momo told me that she was entering into a "Fight or Flight" phase of anxiety, readying to open a big 'ol can of Momo-Whoop-Ass on that clown. She'd do it too; look at this poor guy:
(Seriously, do not EVER say to her, "I'm glad you're not MY wife.")
Anyway, Clown, or Joel, or whoever you are, you can clearly see that YOU are the lucky one, barely escaping with your life from our mild-mannered coffee shop.
Take THAT!
(I'm still going to go ahead and sleep with the lights on for at least another week.)
Next year get Joel, yes that was him, to do you up in a similar manner. Wear it to work and demand a raise while tapping the machete on the boss's desk.
ReplyDeleteWil: Brilliant. But why wait til next year. how about tomorrow?!
ReplyDeleteGeez, he is scary as a clown! P.S. How do you know him? I used to work with him! :D It's a small, small world, eh?
ReplyDeleteP.S. Lesson learned- next time, no using Facebook and more giving out cellphone numbers :)
That totally creeps me out. Lucky you had Momo to protect you.
ReplyDeleteI was soooo skeeeeered! I talk big - but I think I was actually in "freeze and freak" mode. I was too frozen to move!
ReplyDeleteBut, if anyone woulda hurted you - I woulda fighted!!
(P.S. I have no idea how I was still standing in the kick picture...why didn't I just fall over? Was it 5,000 beers?)
Hi Gnightgirl
ReplyDeleteIsn't it wonderful what Halloween brings out (you could have dressed up for the coffee shop though)...
That clown is some serious
ReplyDeleteFREAKY
=:^o
Great party!
Zia
CLOWNS GIVE ME THE
ReplyDeleteHEE BEE GEE BEES without the machete! Now I'm not gonna sleep good for a good long while!
I'll admit it - clowns have always scared me, since I was a little kid. And those are the ones without the machetes.
ReplyDeleteGood thing he didn't come around me - he probably would have been shot!
ReplyDeleteSeriously - you need to think a bit before 'dressing up'
it wasn't joel, it was freddy.
ReplyDeleteyou are lucky it was early eve.
Jade: It's only a matter of time before we find out we're related.
ReplyDeleteJoel was my 4th husband.
Ok, that's a lie, I just wanted to make him spit coffee out his nose, if he happens upon this. I know him from Cafe Kopi, where I pick up all my friends.
Wendy: I think I'll make her a cape out of a scooby-doo towel.
Momo: You're a very protective girl. I've seen you bite people's ears.
Dagoth: Well...there is a hint of a costume on my head. And someone actually asked me if I was dressed as a pumpkin that night. So I threw THAT sweater away.
Zia: Great company makes a great party. Will blog it soon!
AZ & Larry. I used to have a little porcelain clown collection, but tossed it when people were horrified!
Barry: Not a costume for Baghdad, eh?
Anon: F-f-f-freddy? I'll be in by dusk from now on.
That is one creepy clown! :)
ReplyDeleteHoly CRAP! That is seriously on creepy costume! That would have definitely freaked the poop out of me and I'm a tough guy! I'm surprised he didn't get harrassed by the cops. Carrying a real machete around at any time isn't advisable. Dressed like that it's an invitation to get tasered, maced, or both! Yow! Creepified!
ReplyDeleteAndy: The machete had minty-fresh blood on it.
ReplyDelete*shudder*
ReplyDeleteGood thing you've got some 'kick ass' friends by your side...that was creeeeeepy!
*spurts coffee out her nose*
ReplyDeleteSeriously, are we related? :) It's quite possible. I hear I'm adopted... you must be my long-lost older sister who was once married to my former boss! Hahahah, this has all the makings of an excellent soap opera!