I like Halloween, though I don't actively participate any more. Dressing up to sit unseen in a cubicle all day long seems moot, and there are no trick-or-treaters in my 'hood. Still, I like to head downtown and check out other, more spirited souls.
I met Momo and Woof at Cafe Kopi on Halloween eve, and settled in to watch the fun. Upon arriving, Woof mentioned that there was a crazed clown walking around with a real machete. We paid him little mind.
But as we sipped our beverages, that clown walked into the cafe, carrying about 18 balloons. And a machete, and he was splattered with blood. He had a creepy, low, walk, and I swear to God I began to hyperventilate when he sidled right up to our table. It was the scariest thing I'd ever had standing before me, and to boot, he was emitting a weird, badger-like, giggle. Momo and I involuntarily moved our chairs closer together, while our clown kept hissing.
Just as I was sure he was going to split my head open aka Slingblade, I said to Momo, "Is that J-j-j-j-j-joel?" Marcy repeated the question, and he said "YES!" He IS Joel!
I squinted at him. Yeah, right. I could have said "Is that 'Bob?' " and he might have agreed to that too. Could I see some ID? I guess clown pants down have pockets for ID, and I just had to take his word for it. I was never quite convinced, as you can see from my body language in this picture.
To this day, I'm not entirely convinced I was standing next to any Joel at all. I mean, here's a pic of the clown, next to the guy he claims to be:
Hm. I'm probably lucky to be alive today.
But so is he. Momo told me that she was entering into a "Fight or Flight" phase of anxiety, readying to open a big 'ol can of Momo-Whoop-Ass on that clown. She'd do it too; look at this poor guy:
(Seriously, do not EVER say to her, "I'm glad you're not MY wife.")
Anyway, Clown, or Joel, or whoever you are, you can clearly see that YOU are the lucky one, barely escaping with your life from our mild-mannered coffee shop.
(I'm still going to go ahead and sleep with the lights on for at least another week.)