Fra-gee-lay

That's how I'm feeling right now. Absolutely fine one minute and a bit rattled and kooky the next. I'm sure I'll settle down.

Mostly I'm finding things "weird." After I put these shoes away, they will STAY away. Weird. This bathroom will remain clean. Weird. Coming home and stifling the tendency to yell "helllllloooo?" Weird.

I am dumbstruck by your outpourings of support the last few days. Thank you! I've received lovely comments, heartfelt emails with phone numbers and offers to talk at any hour of the day, e-greetings, and invitations to lunch, dinner, and even a designated driver offer. What great friends! I love you guys!

I just got a phone call from Brian; he's in the St. Louis airport waiting for a flight to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri. He thinks he'll be able to call again on Sunday.

I didn't cry, but I got a hell of a headache not crying, and now I need a distraction. You're It!

*****

I ran into an Asian store yesterday, to pick up some sushi ingredients. If you remember the ginseng juice entry, you'll know that I like to pick up a strange new snack when I'm in an ethnic store. This is what I grabbed:

Little tiny roasted crabs. They're like chips, only tinier, and crabbier. It sounds disgusting, doesn't it? I've passed them up several other times, but yesterday, I figured that tiny roasted crabs would be the perfect way to christen my New Life! Look at the label, after all:

Let's Party! Well, all Right!

The label also reads "Wai-Wai!" and "Gaya-Gaya!" I imagine those translating to "Whoo-Hoo!" and "weet-weet!" If any of you have any knowledge that it really means "not for human consumption," please, at this point, keep it to yourselves.

I brought my bag of Let's Party Roasted Party Crabs in a Party Bag home and scissored them open. The suh-mell that hit me in the face nearly bowled me over. For a description of something that probably smelled just as nice, check out the blog entry that Stephen wrote today.

I was instantly reminded of another time in which my friend Tim warned me not to open a jar of sea shells, as apparently something had died in the jar. I was younger then. I was only 41, and when I was 41, I did everything you told me not to. I opened the jar and took a big whiff.

I never knew I had nose hairs until they were all singed off. The smell inside that jar permeated the entire apartment in a matter of seconds, no amount of incense would remove the reek, so I told Tim, "your apartment stinks, I'm going home." My sinuses burned for days.

What was my point? Oh. Yes. That's pretty much what those PartyBoy Crabs did to my living space last night.

But I had a bright idea: if I just poured them out into a bowl, the odor would be less concentrated, but that action only created a giant mushroom cloud of crab-stench in the house.

Did it STOP me from tasting them? Of course not. I figured they had to taste better than they smelled. Doesn't cheese?

I picked one up and licked the claw. Sugar. Caramel crabs! I crunched off the tip...still nothing much but sugar. I popped the entire thing in my mouth and crunched down.

Let the record show: A Let's Party Roasted Caramel-Flavored Crab is the first food I have ever run to the garbage and spit out, simultaneously using my own fingers to shovel out any remnants. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever put in my mouth except for...well...never mind. Suffice it to say it was just awful. Two thumbs down! I don't recommend that you try this.

If you're hell bent on trying it anyway, at least make sure you've got a bottle of Ginseng juice handy to rinse it down with.