Monday, November 14, 2005

Excess Baggage

'Dja ever walk around putting more mental energy than is necessary into a thing?

This suitcase has been at the base of my neighbor's driveway since Friday afternoon. Just sitting there, no one has come or gone. It's bothering me the way shoes in the street bother me: what's the story behind them?

I am worrying about that luggage, and about my neighbors, whom I have never met. I imagine them having set about a long trip, and placed this piece of luggage on the top of the car, while they arrange the rest in the trunk. OFF to O'Hare airport in Chicago they go, joyously looking forward to their vacation in the Bahamas, or their honeymoon at Niagara Falls. With traffic, three hours before they arrange themselves in long-term parking, and find themselves perplexed: Where is the big suitcase? Where are our underpants?!!

I want to run over there and unzip just a bit and peek! Maybe there's ID in there, and I can call the owner—no money for me, please, solving the mystery is reward enough.

But, as I said, I don't know the people that belong to that driveway, and I don't want to appear the crazy screw-loose neighbor [and steal CJ's thunder], should I approach the thing and give it a tap with my toe.

Instead I'll just blog about it.


  1. I think it would be OK - -

    with a lot of glancing around and looking over your shoulder to see if anyone was watching -

    to look and see if there is a tag identifying the owners.

    It's the on'yun thing to do.

  2. Are you crazy?!!

    What if it blows up?

  3. You could poke it with a ten foot pole. LOL

  4. Unwritten rules of dumpstering:
    If it lays in the street for more than 24 hours it's considered salvage and one is free to take it and do with as they deam fit.

  5. WhiteRed: I don't have a 10-foot pole. Will a BBQ fork work?

    Jes: uh-huh...the minute I declare finders-keepers, I might just be tackled and handcuffs. I'll just keep sitting on top of my house with my binoculars....

  6. Anonymous7:19 PM

    You mentioned the solution in your blog my dear. You have your very own resident whack job running loose in the neighborhood (CJ) him with an "I wonder what's the deal with that suitcase?" and sit back and watch the fun. With any luck it may explode during his examination. :)

  7. Ev, I'd considered that...but he's just never around when you need him!

  8. Call the bombsquad, GNG. Maybe we'll go on alert level ORANGE here in the Champoo. Now, if I remveber right alert level ORANGE in Champaign meams everyone wears pantyhose over their head (warding off the chem warfare stuffff) and those heavy rubber gloves you use whenn you wash dishes. Hours of fun for the whole family, I think/. I mean, we're not EVEN on alert level ORANGE and I'm wearing mine. Scuse the typos, by the way. Gloves. You know...

  9. MadDog.

    Rubber gloves. Admit it. That's ALL you're wearing isn't? Photo-op for this year's Christmas card.

    Remember now, my son's Fah-thuh is on the SWAT team/Bomb Squad here, and as I remember, there is an AMAZING amount of unreported activity in Champoo. Our boys are not employed for nothing, and I'm always amazed at how little question there is about their existence....have you any IDEA how often they are employed? We'd all be surprised....but if I tell you, they'll kill me.

    I'll keep wearing that Mylar vest when I walk the garbage past that luggage to the dumpster...

  10. I was just gonna smile in your general direction and to show you how blasted tired I am, I almost passed up mylar without hesitating a moment. Slow? Yes. But it's all still sticking up here.

    Should I not have said "bomb" out here. Ooops, dang! I said bomb again. Bomb, bomb, da bomb bu dee bomb dee bomb bomb.

    GNG! I'm ashamed of you! I have more than these rubber gloves on. Hunting socks, too. Just in the right places...ewwwww!

  11. Oh yeah... you can't get underpants in Chicago. Just remembered that. Next time you go up top, remember they're all commando up there. Waste some brain cells on THAT thought ;-)

  12. Nice, you're still on top of your game, that mylar vest didn't get past you.

    No underpants in Chicago? That explains why they sell hunting sox in 3s.

  13. I'm laughing, dudes. But it's late. Time to put on my Kevlar robe and go to bed.

  14. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  15. LATE? It's 2 hours ago where you are!!!

  16. Similar comment from me -- if that suitcase was in a location like that in the UK, the bomb disposal squad would have been out there to destroy it HOURS ago.

    Having said that, though, there's been a seemingly unclaimed old white Volvo sitting in the parking lot ("car park") in the village green for about 3 weeks now, and even our village policeman hasn't done a d*mn thing about it...


    PS Nice to see that somebody else in the world has a vivid imagination, by the way!!!!

  17. I think you should have a garage sale and CJ will come running! Maybe the suitcase belongs to Ed. Lisa, do you have a friend named Ed that come over and pick it up?

    I think C-U needs to go on brown alert for the panyhose and rubber gloves. That reminds me of the "Enema Bandit". Remember him?Only born and bred C-U locals will remember him from the late 60's, early 70's. Ahh, what memories!

  18. I think you should do something. Your neighbors might be dead or are being held hostage?

  19. Gracious! I go away for 3 days and I've missed all sorts of things!
    Well, it's nice to be back up to date. I say investigate the suitcase. At least move it up to the house that the driveway belongs to so it doesn't get wet when it rains. New windows? Uh...good luck. Nice grasshopper.
    Self defense; no I'm not often afraid but then again I often go to very dubious places. People don't respond to "Help!" Yell "FIRE!" That brings 'em running. Peace.

  20. I'd just open it. Somebody is going to evenualy. It might as well be you. Don't let someone else steal the excitment, of that moment. The worst case scenario is you finally meet your elusive neighbor.

  21. I have the twin to that bag and I am throwing it away, tomorrow, when it is "bulk" pick up! Can you imagine that I have to wait to throw out my garbage on certain designated days! Gimme a break...

    Anyway...what's in it??and whose is it?? ;-) It belongs to "beloved" Uncle Jerry who lives upstairs who is 83 and is a "hoarder"..

    Every once in awhile, I travel up the flight of stairs to his "fantasy" world and remove excess clutter! And I mean clutter...No parkings signs, don't park here..NY Marathon signs, Bd. of Elections stickers, placemats from McDonalds,Burger King, paper napkins from "everywhere"...DUnkin' Donuts, Carvel, Bagel Boy...
    place setting with names from weddings, postcards, envelopes, pads, "freebie" anything by the dozens!! Oh, and he also suscribes to Newspapers all over the country??! We get a Greek Orthodox Paper, Newspaper from Missouri, something from a Fishing village, and now he is writing to different colleges to get their College Admission Books! One came in from St. Olaf's.. I kid you not! ;-)

    Upstairs is a "cinder" box waiting to happen. So in fear for my sizzled butt.. I put what I can find in this old suitcase. But I will conceal it in a big hefty garbage bag! Not to ease my neighbor's mind.. but to keep Uncle from going out and reclaiming all his s*it! ;-)

    The things we do for love!

    My suggestion regarding that suitcase..don't open it! It may have something disgusting in there! How come nobody has picked it up yet? When is "bulk" garbage pick up in your 'hood?

  22. Oh sure, just when you all have me talked into running home from work and opening the luggage, it disappears.

    If someone had suggested that it might be full of $100 bills—a thought that just came to me—I might have gone sooner. Now I can obsess over my lost fortune.

    And my GOODNESS, you just never know which topic will get a hot response, do you? Shows ya all of my friends have enquiring minds!

    Janet: About that don't see anyone's hand waving out of the place where a tail-light used to be, do you? Brrrrrr

    PP: Oh sure, we Townie's remember that EB; he was creating chaos before I knew what an enema was. I'm going to Google Search that nut when I get done here!

    Ruben: Thanks for the comforting thoughts. Watch out for spiders in your ears tonight.

    Andy: Stop, drop, roll and yell FIRE!...Fire safety AND self-defense all rolled into one. Thank you!

    RC: I don't think I know of "bulk garbage" day. Around here we just saw it up in bits and surreptitiously sneak it in with the coffee grounds and egg shells.

    I can relate to the sneak-cleaning. My sweet momma has this old octagonal lamp that has crumbled into 8 pieces; she's given me permission to throw it away more times than I can remember, but it always seems to reappear in her spare bedroom! Magic? I think not.

  23. Anonymous5:30 PM

    Whatever happened to the suitcase?

    I doubt a suitcase containing clothing and possibly a scorched pair of Fruit-O-The-Looms constitutes a threat to homeland security; but, one never knows...

  24. Anonymous5:32 PM

    Disregard my earlier post. It helps to read to the *end* of the topic. :-)


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