Monday, December 26, 2005

Grey Poupon (Our Handbags)

OWWW, ow my head, Santa skipped the coal this year, and put the flu in my stocking, I guess. Brian and I were both complaining yesterday, of oncoming colds. I got up this morning to head to a brunch with friends, thinking I was feeling better. Brunch wore me OUT, baby, and though I tried to come home and tidy up the house, my body has delivered this message: "I don't think so; you're going down."

Well, I resist idleness, which is why I'm logged on here now, trying to think up something charmingly flu-like to talk about.

Speaking of Germs...This month's Glamour magazine [hey, a girl has to indulge in mindless fluff every now and again!] has a blurb about a specific germs.

It quotes a study that says we are walking around with fecal matter on the bottom of our handbags, because we place them on the floor in public restrooms. It suggests we use the hooks on the back of the door.

Well, every woman knows we're not supposed to secure them to the hooks on the door, as the second we get our pants around our ankles, someone is going to reach over the door, snatch that purse off the hook, and take off. The underpant-ankle cuffs are going to do nothing but hinder our hot pursuit for our fecal-free handbags.

Sigh. Peeing in public is just getting more and more complicated, isn't it? We've already been taught to NEVER sit down. Now we have to hover with 30-pound purses hanging around our necks.

My suggestion to you all, then, when making your 2006 resolutions, is to start incorporating this exercise into your daily workout.

Or, go before you leave home.


  1. You're damn funny when you're sick!

    Now that I have to replace all my poopy-handbags, I'm grateful for all the after Christmas sales.

  2. You have an option of standing too .. Well I hope you feel much better ..


  3. I had the flu during the week BEFORE Christmas. I was so foggy that I don't even remember Thursday or Friday evenings. By Christmas Eve I was feeling better. Hope yours doesn't last long.

    I choose not to think about the fecal matter on the bottom of my handbag. My child has thrown temper tantrums on bathroom floors, prompting some frantic forced hand-washing afterwards.

    It's always something.

  4. Theresa: This is what a cold-medicine-induced delirium will do to a girl. Let's go shopping!

    Ilaiy: Thanks for the male solution to the dilemma. But I still have to figure out where to put my purse!

    SS: Next time, follow Glamour's lead, and hang him on the hook on the door.

  5. I'm glad I don't
    carry a pocketbook-
    But what about
    the bottom of my shoes?
    Now I must go home
    and wash them...
    fecal matter?
    No, No-
    dirty, dirty...
    it's all so

  6. I love the germ picture!

    I usually just put my purse on the hook. Although, this weekend I was having a problem with my long coat. At some place I stopped in my travels, there was a hook about the same level as the lock (solving the thief reaching over the top problem) but way too short for my coat. Plus, the damn bathrooms are so tiny it's hard to maneuver around in there...but I do have that toilet squatting down perfectly.

    ShySmiley's comment makes me think about something - - I've thought a few times about what I'd do when I had a child. I often wonder what kind of a freak I'll make it 'cause I'm a complete germ-a-phobe.

  7. Polyman: Oh, thanks, something else to worry about, now I have to install a footbath at my front door, to Lysol off the bottoms of my shoes before I eat off of them.

    Momo: Yah, that long coat in the public restroom is a challenge, isn't it?

    As for babies, get over that after your fourth or fifth kid! :-)

    My great-grandmother used to air her two-cents over a sickly neighbor child: "All that kid needs is some dirt! Stick him in the garden to play in dirt and sunshine and he'll be fine!"

    I'm getting you potting soil for a shower gift. Now, get busy!

  8. Anonymous4:03 PM

    Very funny! I am not going to make any New Year's resolutions this year. I'm just going to play things by ear.

  9. OH GREAT - another thing to worry about! I already have a sponge problem, a washing machine problem (did you know that fecal matter from those skids stay in the washer and end up on your clothes? EEK!)

    I do hope you feel better soon.

  10. This will just make your day then ;)

    My mother employed the germ exposure/dirt method of parenting. I think I have had 5 legitimate sick days in my almost 39 years. And one of the illnesses was chickenpox that carried almost no fever, did not itch and ran their course over Christmas break so I didn't even get to miss school ;(

    I do have seasonal sinus issues but NeilMed sinus rinse with a Wild Turkey Honey chaser has been my cure for years now. Works every time. I also refuse to get the flu shot. *gasp*. However, every single person I know that got that horrible month long flu this year had taken the flu shot...jus' sayin'.

    Do hope you feel better soon...



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