Tuesday, November 19, 2013

NaBloPoMo 19: Pool Safety, Then and Now

Back when I was a kid, walking barefoot uphill both ways to school (in the snow of course) , our standard vacation  hotel pool had one sign on it:

"Don't swim without your mama" was the only rule, with the occasional "don't dive here or you'll break your neck" warning. That was it.

Fast forward 45 years, and this is the sign we saw at hotel we stayed at in Niceville Florida this summer:

I posted this sign on Facebook, and noted that we had wondered: Which rule were they inspired to write first, #5 or #6?

And then, last month, although we did not use the pool in Nashville, I did sit poolside for a few minutes, and had to take a picture of this sign:

Not sure how well you can read this photo, so let me help you out with a few highlights;
  • All persons using the pool shall take a cleansing shower bath in the nude, using warm water and soap [...]
  • A bather leaving the pool to use the restroom shall take a second cleansing shower before returning to the pool [...]
  • Any person having an infection or communicable disease shall not use this pool, nor can anyone with exposed sub-epidermal tissue. No cuts or open blisters, and you can't blow your nose in the pool either.
Who in holy hell jumped in the pool with exposed sub-epidermal tissue—what is that, anyway? muscle and bone and guts hanging out?!—that made it necessary to write this down?

And it is dictated that we take showers—naked showers, it says so right there on the sign—before we get in the water, and every time we get out to go pee. I think they should just thank their lucky stars that swimmers even bother to get out of the water to pee, and go ahead and scratch that last, second naked shower rule.

I have half-a-mind to call the manager that posted the second sign: They didn't even mention swallowing diarrhea water.

You know someone's going to sue them for that.

1 comment:

  1. These signs made me laugh. I forwarded them on to some friends. The line about getting all sudsy in the nude was definitely written by someone quite perverted. And don't you think that the risk of infection to people without skin is somewhat minimized by the fact that people with diseases and runny noses are prohibited? And why are diseased people PROHIBITED from using the pool, but skinless people are only ADVISED not to? It's interesting how different these two signs are, and yet how specific they each are.


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