Monday, October 17, 2005

Anaconda!!


As if I didn't have enough stress in my life. As I left work tonight, our jack-of-all-trades guy at work sang out "Goodniiiiiggght." Very merrily. Hmmmm...

As I approached my car, I noticed this deadly, venom-spewing creature at the base of my car door, and slowed my gait considerably. Is that a rubber hose thingy? It looks like a snake. A snake, it IS a snake.

I am NOT jumping over that snake to get in my car. It will sling itself up my pantsleg and bite my butt. I'm not getting in on the other side and crawling over either, cuz I'd probably still run over the thing, and have snake guts on my tires.

And I know, I KNOW that it's that blasted co-worker of mine that planted that serpent at my door; in 19 years of working together, he's left many a creature in my path to scare bejeezus out of me. Have YOU ever bent over your t-square to find yourself face-to-face with a dried-up tarantula? I have.

I'm telling you this now, so that you all can testify for me in a court of law, after I get done with this guy tomorrow. I'm sure you'll all find me justified.

Worse yet, I might just tell his wife on him.

8 comments:

  1. I would have peed in my pants ..

    ./thanks
    ilaiy

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  2. oh, man. this is so funny. because I know who you're talking about, but also because I know the chances of running into an actual venemous serpent in Illinois are pretty low if you aren't mucking through a swamp. Here in Tucson you can't leave your house at night without a flashlight because western diamondbacks love love LOVE the heat radiating off pavement after the sun goes down. In the summer of 2002 my neighbor went to the hospital for 7 vials of antivenin after stepping on a rattler in her driveway.

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  3. So, how did you get into your car?

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  4. I grabbed said (giggling) co-worker by his ear and dragged him out to take care of the problem.

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  5. whiteredelectra asked the question I was wondering (how you got into your car). Glad you made it home.

    That was way more exciting than the fake rubber flies at Kopi.

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  6. Anonymous4:35 PM

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  7. C*M*B*D*I's!!

    I thought you were still at work, waiting for it to sssslither away. I have never forgiven that certain co-worker for "stealing" your purse.

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  8. Shy_smiley: OK smarty, you win on the deadly snake issues, and I'm giving you bonus points for rolling over on a scorpion in your own bed.

    And you have the audacity to ask me if I want to come and visit you?!!!

    I'd love to, actually, but I'm bringing my thigh-high boots and I'm shaking out the sheets before I go to sleep.

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